X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Belated Review)

There were two animated shows from my childhood that I drooled over.  I would watch them, get angry that commercials made them shorter, and then impatiently await the next episode.  One of those shows was the X-Men animated series (The other was Sailor Moon.  Just kidding.  Maybe.) and everything about the series rocked hard.  The characters portrayed back then are still the definitive versions to me.  To this day I can remember how Wolverine and Gambit sound in their animated voices.  That world brought me into the X-Men universe.

Before I embark on my tirade, try and know that it’s out of love.  I’ve grown up along with these characters in comics, video games, as action figures, and now in the films.  It’s almost impossible to not have high standards when you know the story can go even above and beyond them.  It hurts my heart to say this but there’s no avoiding it:

This movie is nothing more than an exercise in competent action and unfortunate story telling.

Leading up to and following the opening credits, my hope for a great film shriveled away with each passing moment.  Most of the plot just wasn’t interesting or didn’t fit together and make sense.  There were some of the most badass characters in all the Marvel universe to work with and their stories didn’t feel like they were worth following.  Logan (Hugh Jackman), Sabretooth (Liev Schreiber), Gambit (Taylor Kitsch), and Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) have some pretty decent action sequences, though if they didn’t, this movie would be completely unwatchable.

My frustrations grew more when some scenes that included CGI felt goofy and unnecessary.  We know Wolverine has claws, and they can be comedic, but I thought they were used for vanity rather than practicality.  Once or twice the CGI had an unfinished look too, but that might not be a big deal to some.  To me it was more about breaking consistency.  Along with the fact that blood isn’t used when Wolverine slices and dices, or when a sword tears into someone, but IS used for the main plot point of the movie?  Its inconsistency is frustrating as hell and that makes for a worse movie.

End of mini-tirade.

The bright star of X-Men Origins: Wolverine was hands down Mr. Jackman though.  His dedication to Wolverine shows with each blunt comment and extension of the claws.  He also has the most natural dialogue of any character, which is good since it is his origin story.  The same can’t be said for other characters though, A.K.A. Stryker and Sabretooth. Poor bubs.

What I really didn’t expect was Mr. Reynolds doing the Deadpool character actual justice.  I had zero faith in him and still think he wasn’t the best casting choice.  He played a annoying, confident jerk pretty well though.  The real test will be the moment he puts on the red and black mask for his own spinoff.

From the model poses of Wolverine attacking, to the glaring discontinuities, this film is not worth you seeing.  It’s too bad everyone had to see it at least once, because now they made a decent amount of money from the box office.  I have my fingers crossed for no sequels.  In the name of saving comic book origin stories in the future and beyond, do not see this movie.