G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

The G.I. Joe popularity apex was a bit before my time I think.  My brother and I were more Spider-Man, Batman, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fans.  Like most burgeoning young chaps around that time though, we did have a few of the Joe action figures and caught the old series on TV every now and then.  Whatever my exposure was, it never really ingrained that “Yo Joe!” love of the franchise unfortunately.  As I walked into the theater excited to see an action movie – but still with mixed feelings after the trailers and TV spots – I kept low expectations to give the film a solid chance.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is the epitome of a cartoon on screen. In deli sandwich terms, this Stephen Sommers directed film is:

2 slices of beginning and ending bread, toasted
15 HEARTY chunks of ridiculous action
2 pieces of fairly rotten dialogue
and 1 slice of cheese (for taste)

The above might be pretty silly but it is completely true.  Action is stacked upon action, which is stacked upon some more action.  There are few breaks as it throws 100% of everything its got at you.  It is really amazing; I still don’t think my eyeballs have recovered yet.  The first big set piece and fire-fight pulled me in like I was 8 years old again; big explosions, futuristic weapons, decent acting up to that point.  And then the rest of the film happened.

Now I really enjoyed scripts plot, withstanding that many a things were simplified or happened coincidentally.  It’s a story that isn’t perfect, but that’s what makes a fun and thrilling action film sometimes.  The practical and CGI effects houses also put out a lot of really fantastic work as well.  But there are moments that honestly made me laugh out loud when I probably shouldn’t have been laughing at all.  During one of the more important points, Channing Tatum as Duke has his acting fail him, which in turn fails us, the audience.  Sadly these aren’t occasional and they happen often with almost every actor, while going double for Marlon Wayans (Ripcord), and Rachel Nichols (Scarlett), and even Dennis Quaid (General Hawk).  On top of that, dialogue written for each role is normally clichéd to the fullest.  Some things are just too much to ask for I suppose?  I’m just glad they didn’t commit movie suicide and have one of the fiercest, coolest characters break his silence.

Luckily there are two solid reasons to try and get past the negatives, and they both happen to be ninjas.  Entertainment is what the movie was built on and the ever silent Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) deliver like it was DiGiorno.  Rivalries are normally enjoyable but there’s no beating pure white and black costumed fighters with swords strapped to their backs.  Snake Eyes is a powerhouse wrapped in an enigma and one of my favorite moments is when we get a quick glimpse at the eyes behind the pure black visor as they loom intently.  Go Joe.

As much hype as there is to be mustered about the fun parts of the film and the spectacle that is intense action, so are there exceedingly painful parts that must be waded through.  As far as a recommendation goes, there are so many other good films out right now to choose from, but G.I. Joe does rise above the title of complete atrocity.  I wholeheartedly give my good graces if you are between the ages of 8 and 15 or are just a total G.I. Joe fanboy.  Or if you love Sienna Miller and Rachel Nichols in leather and tight form fitting body suits.  Other than those demographics, just know you’ve been warned there are many other movies to choose from.

_Gregg